Split

What I’m about to write about, is something I personally go through, it’s called dissociation, a split from reality itself to a place that doesn’t exist, a place that isn’t even real, a reality made by the brain.

Dissociation is a side effect to mental illnesses, mostly, depression and anxiety, especially social anxiety. People who experience it, don’t know nor remember what they were doing, don’t remember who they were with, or the activities they did together. On the good days, they smile, they try to remember everything, but they cannot, as the stress they put themselves in makes them dissociate immediately, and they can’t help it, they hurt people around them, make them lose their loved ones, as they can’t speak, they can’t show emotion, and then they remember, after days and days of splitting, they remember, they try to apologize but, it would be too late, as the people around them were hurt in the worst way possible. From my experience, I lost my grades, every single one of my subjects, just average, I never actually got bad marks, as it wasn’t as bad as it is nowadays, it grows within you, grows up with you, you don’t control it, it’s a tumour, that grows in your brain, making you not feel, not remember, not show emotion. My experience got much worse than it was, it wasn’t as bad, but, the tumour, conquered me, fed on me, on my memories, my love, and my most beautiful traits. I remember days when I could study for 19 hours straight, now I cannot even focus for 5 minutes. Also, ADHD does not help with it, worst part about it, I never got treatment, or therapy, the other problem, there aren’t pills that actually help with it, and they can give you pills for depression, anxiety, ADHD, but not dissociation.

If you know anyone who deals with splits from reality, try to help them by letting them ask what’s real and what’s not, let them say crap about themselves, it’s not easy for them to believe they’re okay, that they’re good people.

Please help others around you, because one day, you’ll need people to help you if you ever –God forbid- go through the same thing

Split